know me?

When I was a little boy Grendel was a boogey man, a scary misshapen monster of a man who prowled through my house, and used my bedroom as his home.
He visited my mind often and caused trembles and shakes chasing me in nightmares and chasing me awake.

As I grew older my Grendel changed and became those stranger men- who I knew and who knew me.
They really weren't strangers, but after what they did they became strangers to me.
Then the Grendel changed again and became an intangible thing, a thing called puberty- which pushed and pulled and rolled boys into men.
However, i wondered what happened when, hormones pumped through the veins- while boys looked to girls and girls looked to boys- I wanted both of just the same.

Once again Grendel came and evolved, fragility was the new form he took- teaching the essence of vain.
Dad proved fragile first his veins corrupted with gunk, then mom took an icy spill and fell and life never would be the same.
Here Grendel grabbed hold and never let go as death became real and looming.
As imminent paths all lead to his door- unvarying; uncaring; unfeeling.

College soon came and Grendel once more proved a foe to hard to hide from.
This time multiheaded unlike never before, He was a zealous and hungry- omnipresent,
He now came from within and without all the same.
Unable to hide, Grendel consumed what little pride and boxed the remaining me in.

Now older and wiser, and convinced in myself, grendel no longer existed, I had swallowed him whole and took no note and ended my grendel's existence.
but how I lied to myself and thought it had ended, but it nested and festered then upended,
the rest of my life i thought would be swell, but Grendel came back unabated.
He gnawed and clawed and feasted on me, so hungry from his clositered existence.
Grendel never had left- i only deceived myself and now i paid my Piper.
With ferocity Grendel served His revenge frigid and biting upon me,
ripping me open he tore at my soul, my spirit, my mind and my limbs.
He destroyed who i was and scattered my peices to strangers- voyuers- usurpers.
i lied there all bare- alone, scared, unsure, unfeeling, uneven.
He rested on me, Breathing- sloberring- seething,
Breeding a hate within me, a loathing to see, this pain, this unfeeling - suffusion,
all around me, about me, above and below me- come feel what i'm feeling and know me.